Okay
by teddylupin-snape
Summary: You can't make it okay for me unless you promise to let me make it okay for you, too. / Remus/Sirius one-shot


**A/N: For round 9 of the QL. I wrote in place of Reppad as captain of the Arrows. My prompt was to write an AU in which 'Remus had bitten a student upon his transformation on the night Pettigrew escaped in PoA. (Note: Your story does not need to focus on Remus Lupin or the student, though it can if you wish).' This takes place afterwards.**

xox

The small body lay bloodied and mangled. He was still alive, though only just. The boy's breathing was sparse, his wide eyes staring up at the where the full moon was, but his view was blocked by the anxious people clustered around him. Remus sat curled up behind a wide oak at the edge of the forest, his whole body shaking with nerves and anger. Sirius sat with an arm around his old friend's shoulders, trying to calm him down.

"I've never… never…hurt…" Remus panted through his shame. "I had always—always prided myself on that. I never meant to hurt…"

"Remus, listen to me," Sirius pleaded. "You weren't in your right mind when it happened. We're not blaming you, and you'd do well to stop blaming yourself." In any other tone, it might have sounded degrading, but Sirius spoke with a forced calm, as though he'd been expecting this to happen for years, and the time had finally come to dust off this speech.

"We'll bring him to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey will be able to do something for him. It's okay, Remus." Sirius fought to keep his voice calm as he looked over through the dark at the small child lying on the grass. Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat around him, their looks sympathetic.

"Sirius," Remus said, his voice shaking as much as his hands were. "You know there's no cure. She won't be able to do anything for him. It's too late, and it's all my fault," he finished, his voice hollow with remorse.

"We were all a bit preoccupied tonight, Remus. No one can hold the blame for this, and it's absolutely not your fault. He's alive, he's breathing. You didn't get him too bad, he'll be alright—"

"No he won't. He'll be like me, would you call _this_ alright? You've seen what I have to go through, you know what my life's become since _he_ did this to me," Remus retorted, snarling. "He'll never be the same, you know it. What if… what if he doesn't—doesn't survive this? Sirius, I can't—"

At that moment, Madam Pomfrey bustled around the corner, followed by Ron, Hermione, and Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore. Madam Pomfrey hurried down the softly sloping hill and knelt down beside the boy. Remus couldn't watch as she fussed over him, so he settled on watching Sirius, trying to steady his breaths. Sirius edged his way closer to him, so that he was hidden by the large oak to avoid being seen. Remus wouldn't be able to stand it if Sirius was caught because of him.

"Come on, Remus. We should get out. It'll be bad enough when they find out what—" Sirius' voice tensed at the look on Remus' face. "—what happened. Not to mention a werewolf's caught running around with an escaped convict. Never thought I'd be saying that," he added under his breath. "Let's just get off to the Shack, we can sit back there for a while, until everything settles down. It'll be okay, Remus. I _promise_," Sirius insisted, meeting Remus' eyes. "C'mon."

Sirius summoned the Invisibility Cloak from where it lay abandoned on the grass and covered himself and Remus with it.

"Cloak's gotten a bit small over the years, hasn't it?" Sirius said, his voice hollow with his attempt at humour. Remus didn't reply, but gave him a small, half-smile before continuing off towards the Shrieking Shack.

"It's definitely not my favourite place in the world, but it's not crowded, that's for sure," Remus remarked as they reached the Whomping Willow. Sirius grabbed the branch that was used to still the tree before, and with a prod, the tree stopped moving. They took off the Cloak and Remus stowed it in his pocket before making the journey through the tunnel.

Once settled in the old, abandoned bedroom of the Shack, Remus sat next to Sirius as his face fell into his hands.

"Rem, oh Remus, it's okay. Please believe me, it's all okay." Sirius put a consoling arm around Remus' shoulder, rubbing it gently with his thumb.

"You don't get it, Sirius. You don't understand what I've done. This boy—this poor, poor boy—he'll never get the chance to be a normal child again. He's beyond repair, you know there's nothing to be done about it." Remus made to throw Sirius' arm off of him, but Sirius held on, turning to look Remus in the eye.

"I'm not saying that." Sirius sighed, then continued. "I know what it means, Rem, and I know what it means for you, but _please_ listen to me. That doesn't make you a bad person. You weren't in control of yourself, there was nothing to be done for it. Things happen for a reason, Remus, everything that happened was meant to. I know that doesn't help, it's a shitty reason, I get that. But I just… don't go beating yourself up about this, okay? We've got enough to worry with at the moment.

"Things happen, we just need to accept that and move on. Deal with what happened, make sure it doesn't happen again. And on top of all that, you and I both know that the school is swarming with Dementors." Sirius' mien suddenly became more anxious than Remus had seen him in ages. "I can't stand to go back there, Rem." A worried tremor rang through his words. "You know full well that I won't make it back there even if I were to beg and plead. The Dementors, they're everywhere, Rem. If—if they catch me… I don't know exactly what will come from that, but all I know is that I won't be with you if that happens, Remus." Sirius closed his eyes for a moment, as though the very words were paining him. "I couldn't—couldn't do that. Not to you, not to myself."

"Sirius, you… you know you'll be fine, okay? I'll make sure of it, it'll all be fine. I don't know how but I know it will, alright. Trust me," Remus said, tears in his eyes. "I can make it okay, Sirius. Just… trust me."

"Remus, you know you can't make it okay for me unless you promise to let me make it okay for you, too."

Remus' blue eyes met Sirius' grey ones, and Remus nodded. "Okay," he replied.


End file.
